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Thursday, November 21, 2013

Gearing up for ThanksGiving

Going to the out-laws house for TG day and worked out a way to deal with it with my therapist. The family usually invited other couples and families to join them for dinner and it is always really awkward and uncomfortable for me. I used to deal by going outside for a smoke when I felt stressed, but since I'm not a smoker, I needed a new plan.

1. Get there early. The earlier you arrive, the more acceptable it is for you to leave early. Plus you can
2. Offer to help. If you're helping out in the kitchen, you're already involved when other people arrive -- folks you don't know you will feel more inclined to introduce themselves or vice-versa.
3. Introduce yourself. The sooner you do this, the sooner you will feel more like you belong and less like a stranger to these strangers who are joining you for dinner.
4. Take breaks and go outside and walk. It's fine to do this, and as someone who is an introvert as well as anxiety prone, this is a lifesaver. Take time out whenever you feel the need.

I think that's a good start. I'll probably write more before TG day, but I wanted to remind myself about these things that I an do to make myself more comfortable with family and strangers. Thanks for listening. Now maybe I can do a little writing on a book? We'll see!


Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Acting on a good idea (is better than just having a good idea)

The title of my post is from a fortune cookie I had a while ago and just found under my computer. Of course I take it to mean "if you've got an idea for a story, you should write it!" Well, I don't have any good ideas for a story right now, but I might go back and work on the ones that I've written but haven't published yet. I feel bad about Eyes of the Witch book 2 which is still with the editor. She's not a professional editor, she's my partner (tsk tsk, I know).

Just noticed my desk moving. It's not really a desk, it's an architect's drafting table. It was my partner's father's. That's still no excuse for not having a proper desk. Going to have to look into that.

Fall is here in full force. Tons of leaves in the yard that need raking, crisp mornings, a change in the light. So I should be ready to work on the next book because it starts in the fall. Oh, well. 

Take care, all. I'll write more soon. Promise.


Monday, November 11, 2013

What it feels like to be fat

I have gained a lot of weight (a lot!) in the past year because of meds I was on and quitting my exercise program because of anxiety. So I'm suddenly in the "fat" category, at least in my own thinking, and it makes things very difficult. Things like looking in the mirror are dreadful; putting on shoes and socks takes a great effort (who woulda thought it?) and my balance is way off. I can't do things on one foot anymore. Maybe that's the lost muscle, not sure. Trying on clothes in a store is horrendous. Ugh!

Regardless, it's hard being fat, and it makes me even more depressed and lonely. I think that people are constantly judging me (when they probably don't even notice me) and that I'm the worst person in the world. Now I'm not obese, just chubby, but that doesn't help. I need help.

My partner went and got our eliptical out of our storage shed and put it in the living room last weekend -- haven't touched it. Just five minutes at a time is all I need to do to start out, and I can't even do that. Just thinking about it leads to tears. Oh, hell.

And I'm not doing NaNoWriMo and it's killing me. I miss the support and camaraderie I would have had if I'd stuck with it. But instead I feel like a loser. Geeze, what a miserable post. But I did think that "normal" sized people should read about being fat. Be nice to fat people.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

No NaNoWriMo

Too much depression and anxiety to seriously write anything. It sucks because I look forward to November for months before it comes, and this time it came and I wasn't ready. I couldn't put words on paper (at least not many of them). I had a good idea. But nothing came of it. Sadness and Anxiety.

The sequel to In Your Eyes is obviously not ready yet. My editor hasn't looked at it in a while I think. Gotta get on her about it. I need a second publication out there!!

Well, believe it or not that's all, folks. I hate myself and I know what to do to fix it but I can't, which makes it my fault, which makes it all the worse. Ugh. Sorry, Just had to get that out. Maybe a better post soon.


Monday, November 4, 2013

Not even close

It's day 4 (?) of NaNoWriMo and I haven't even started writing. I mean, I've planned scenes and created characters, but no writing. Too depressed. I could hardly get dressed this morning. My therapist and I had a breakthrough about my being neglected as a kid and it's hanging over me and she (my therapist) is off this week, so 2 weeks between visits. Ugh. I made Irish Potato Candy which is wonderful but I can't stop eating it so I've got to get up the nerve to throw it out. I just can't control myself when it comes to food - especially treats.

I'm hoping that writing this will help a bit. Maybe get my fingers warmed up and I'll start in on my novel. But who knows. Deep breaths.

So I saw a new shrink on Friday because my other one closed her practice. She was really good and seemed to really know her stuff. She wants to get me off of two of the meds I'm on and get bloodwork done to make sure the other drugs are doing what they're supposed to be doing. I'm worried because suddenly my blood pressure is sky high and I've never had high blood pressure before. I think it is a new med I started about 2 months ago, but I don't know. Hopefully she'll schedule the bloodwork soon so I can find out what's going on with me. She also wants an EKG. Scary! But necessary I suppose.

I'm watching lots of iQ from Britain on YouTube. It is a great show. Panel of comedians who answer almost impossible questions and get points for being interesting. The iQ stands for Interesting Questions. I think it's awesome. I especially like Alan Davies who is always on. The other panel members change each episode though there are some returns.

Okay. That's all for now. Oh, no it's not! I started this with the news that I HAVEN'T FINISHED EDITING Eyes That Bind yet!! Oh, no! I promised a release on Oct 31 and I suck. I should never have set that goal because obviously I can't tell how long something's going to take.

All right, that's all for now. Apologies about the book. Maybe before Xmas.


Monday, October 28, 2013

Passwords Suck!

I am so sick of passwords for everywhere I go and everything I do. I know it's for safety, but geeze I hate it. I've forgotten a password for one of my publishing sites and I can't change it. They keep saying they'll send me a new one but never do. Damn!

I entered a contest on NaNoWriMo (see for info) for a free book cover for this year's contest. Hmm, can't think of another word for contest. Some writer I am! Anyway, NaNo is just a little while away and then I probably won't be writing in my blog so much - or maybe I'll be writing in it more! Ha ha ha.

I got through my writer's block by forcing myself just to write and not worry about it, and it worked. Thank goodness. Oh, and I've got a title for my NaNo book: Gypsies of Allora. What do you think? It's going to be my best book yet! Can't wait to get started on it!

Okay, enough for now. You're probably bored and ready to move on to another blog.

Enjoy, and I'll see you soon!


Friday, October 25, 2013

Not the Time for Writer's Block!

I just tried to do a little scene and the words just wouldn't come. I mean really, I couldn't think of the word I needed, and it went downhill from there. I thought that maybe writing here will get me started, but I seem to be having the same problems.

I've got these pictures of beautiful exotic women that I'm going to use as the female gypsies in my clan in the NaNo book. They're gorgeous: painted faces for some, ribbons braided into the hair for others. I'm thinking that I probably won't have a God/Goddess presence in this book, just maybe references to them as the Father/Mother. I was also thinking of adding in some demons or something evil to elicit the conflict I so desperately need but I don't think that will work. I think it is going to be human evil that interferes with a sweet love story.

There, now I'm stuck again. Pushing on!

My one remaining dog is lonely, as is the one remaining cat. We started this year with three cats and two dogs, but so much death. It was a harsh year.


I'm reading this book on Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety and I keep getting too anxious to do the exercises in the book! CRAZY.

Okay, I'm giving up for now. Promise to try harder later.


Thursday, October 24, 2013

One Week 'Til NaNoWriMo!

I'm so excited (and nervous) that it's almost November. I have tried outlining a story and it just won't come to me. I think that the characters I've created are going to drive this one. It's a lesbian love story (naturally) about a world where all the gay people are outcast as gypsies. So there are several clans of gypsies who take on anyone who comes out as gay and then they have a new family...sort of. Anyway, my main character was outcast by her parents when she was just 13 because she liked "boy things" so they used that as an excuse to give her to a gypsy clan. She grows up with them and learns their ways. The second character is a girl who is in denial about being gay but instead of marrying to please her father (and his money pouch) she goes to hide out in the same clan as, you guessed it, character number one. But love won't come easy as it never does.

So how's that for a quick and dirty synopsis? Looking forward to my characters teaching me more about their ways and means. 

Haven't carved a pumpkin yet. Don't know if I'll get around to it or not. How about you??


Monday, October 21, 2013

A New Journey!

I'm getting psyched up for NaNoWriMo ( - I've got a partial outline of my next story and this one's going to be a doozie! We're talking about gypsies and journeying (and a first romance, of course!) It's going to be good. I'm so excited to start. I've written the backstory for two of the main characters so I have some idea of who they are so I'm not startled when they start misbehaving when I finally start writing the novel.

Eyes That Bind is still under construction but I'm hoping to keep my promise of getting it to you by Oct 31 -- a tight call for me but I'll do everything I can to keep my promise. You'll be pleased with this sequel I'm certain. It's more about Renna and Cass and there are many adventures to be had by them.

On a personal note, we're going to put down our cat Diego late this afternoon. We cuddled him and gave him whatever he wanted to eat all weekend long. It has been very hard, but if he's suffering and just wasting away, we don't want to make it go on longer than it has to. My heart is bursting since we've already lost two other pets recently, but it has to be done. May the Buddhas bless them with a happy rebirth.


Friday, October 18, 2013

Losing a Pet (or 3)

A few months ago our cat Beast died. Well, we had him euthanized because he was screaming in agony. He had a blood clot in his spine and he was in terrible pain, so the doc quickly took care of him. It was okay because he was in misery and I knew he had to go.

Then last month, we had one of our dogs, Abby, put down because, well, it's complicated. Abby was a problem child from the beginning and as an adult she was downright dangerous. She attacked her sister-dog George twice leading to very expensive vet bills. We couldn't find any alternatives if she was so unstable, so we had her put down and it was very painful because she really was a sweet dog and she didn't understand. It was terrible.

So yesterday I realized that our cat Diego had lost a ton of weight because she was throwing up all of her food. She didn't throw up all the time, but a lot of the time she did. We tried several different anti-allergen foods and none worked. We thought we'd found the one the other day and tried her on rabbit. It didn't work, she still threw up, so yesterday I called the vet. They were concerned about her weight loss and did a blood workup. They also wanted us to get an ultrasound because the xray they did showed a lot of swelling and liquid in her stomach. This morning, though, we got the call about the lab work. Her white blood cell count was 41,000. Normal for a cat is between 1,000 and 8,000. The doctor said she had never seen a cat's count that high before. What it means is he either has leukemia or some other form of stomach cancer. He's going to waste away and die. So we have to have him euthanized. Probably on Monday so he doesn't suffer any more than he has to.

I don't know why I had to write this all out. Seemed I ought to. I'm baking chocolate chip cookies and drinking a coconut rum & diet coke. I cried for an hour; now it's time for comfort.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Massive Editing and Depression Breakthrough

My editor is taking her sweet time and I'm afraid that the book won't be ready before NaNoWriMo starts. I really wanted to get it out there, but then I wouldn't have had time to market it, so I guess it's actually a win situation. Sorry readers who are hoping for my sequel on Oct 31! I'm still trying, but we'll see what happens.

I've had a shot of really deep depression that my therapist really helped with yesterday -- go figure! She said to take all the negative thoughts and judgments and separate them from my self. That is, give them a separate form so that the thought and judgments aren't "me" they're separate from me. It's brilliant. Since she told me that yesterday I've had many times that I've had a negative judment about myself and told it to go away, I wasn't interested, and it kind of works!

In the mean time I'm afraid I'm getting a cold and I'm desperately trying to get together a storyline for NaNoWriMo. Trying to make an outline and I've only got two characters sketched (a little bit). Ugh. I'll get there though. NaNo really inspires me to write my best stuff. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go to  It's a great motivator for writers, and lovely education and support too.

Happy Reading & Writing to All,


Thursday, October 10, 2013

Prep for NaNoWriMo

I'm trying my best to get ready for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writers Month=November) but am running into all kinds of roadblocks. I'm working on developing characters for my story and am coming up blank. She's a tough kid. What else can I say? She grew up on the streets and was adopted by a Gypsy clan. How does that affect her character? She had to be tough. Ugh. I don't know what I'm doing.

I went to the foot doctor this morning and found out that I have a plantar plate tear which means I wear a splint for 6 months, and if in 6 months it's healed, hurray! If not, we go to surgery. Very frustrating, waiting for your body to heal, isn't it? It's already been almost 3 months. This is a long healing process because your toes don't get such great circulation. Huh.

Stop back in for more sneak peaks into my next project. Who knows, I might have figured out a thing or two by the time you return!

Love & Hugs,

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Self Doubt

So I started reading two different books about novel writing. One of them I got about 50 pages into and decided it was a bunch of crap because it told me that just about everything I'm doing in my books is wrong. The second book I got further into before it told me that everything I'm doing in my books is wrong. So what's the point?  Should I quit writing because all of these novel writing authorities think my stuff is crap?

It's true what my friends are telling me: You write because you love to write, not because you want to write the perfect book. But of course, I do actually. Ah, well.

So my next book may be in a new world, and the main characters are gypsies. Kind of exciting to think about that. Lots of research to do though. Better get to work. Thanks for cheering me up. Ha ha ha.

Bye my friends.
Please leave comments!


Friday, October 4, 2013


Hey folks. I've been reading "Hooked," a book about writing the beginning of your book. It's really good but makes me feel totally wrong. There are all these guidelines and I don't follow them, I just write. Is that so wrong? LOL. I've stopped reading it because if I continue there's a good chance I'll talk myself into no longer writing, and that would suck.

So I've got social phobia/anxiety. I just worked that out with my therapist - my problem is more that just depression. Actually I was using depression as a blanket word to cover all my symptoms, when a lot of them are really anxiety-driven. Knowing this, and being new to the idea, I let my partner talk me into joining this women's chorus so that I'd make some friends and get out of the house a bit. It was a mistake. I could hardly sing, I kept getting choked up like I was about to cry. It was really weird. Finally after about an hour I snuck out. It was just too many voices and too intimate a crowd. I don't know how I'm going to beat this, but there's gotta be a way. Just the chorus at this point is not the answer.

My partner is reading my two upcoming books and she started reading the one that I'm not ready to release yet. She's supposed to be doing last-minute editing on my next Eyes of the Witch book, but she started another book that comes later in the series. I sure hope she gets them done soon because I really want to get Eyes That Bind out by the end of October as I've been promising!

Another day, another idea.
Take care all!


Monday, September 30, 2013

Looking Good!

My partner is editing one of my new books and she told me that she forgot to do some editing and was just reading so she had to go back and look over a chapter again. I think that's a great sign! She forgot to edit because she was into the story. That made me happy!

All an author wants is to know that people enjoy their work. I've had lots of compliments on my first book and it's only the beginning of the tales I'm going to spin! I actually have two complete books (that need to be edited). I can't wait to get one out there so I can start prepping the second one. They're so fun! I need to contact my cover art guy and get him to start working. I sent him my author page but he wanted more information. (author page:

Looking forward to NaNoWriMo this November! Really can't wait!!


Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Writing with a timetable

I've got a crick in my neck already from writing -- it isn't even 9:30 am! I did start early though. It seems that the whole second part of my book is getting a rewrite because I wasn't careful enough the first go-round. Taught me a lesson. Next book is going to get laid out and planned. Sheesh. This has turned in to a bigger project that I'd expected. I thought I could zoom through part 2 of the book, but it just wasn't to be. Shoulda known better.

Watched Iron Man 3 last night. What a great movie. All of the actors are excellent and it is so exciting all the way through it. And what a well told story. So that's my short-take on Iron Man. He rocks.

I've had friends suggest that I turn my Eyes of the Witch series into a movie screenplay. I've heard that it's easier to write a screenplay than it is a novel, but the novel is so much more enticing to me. A screenplay, however, would bring in the cash where as with the books I've barely made a profit so far. Not that I'm complaining. I love to write and this is what I do.

Back to work now. More to come soon -- hopefully news of my novel being in a second edit and I'll have this rewrite complete!

Love & Hugs,

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Email is a Waste of Time

I had 64 new messages and probably 3 of them I cared about. I've tried getting of mailing lists but it's just a pain in the ass. I hate email. If you want to tell me something, call me or text me. Really!

I'm still working on editing Eyes That Bind and yesterday I found a terrible mistake. I wrote two dinner scenes in a row. I'm in the process of taking one of the dinners and turning it into breakfast, but then there's the other breakfast to deal with. Ugh. I was really freaked out about this yesterday but I'm a bit calmer today, thank goodness. And yes, it may be strange for a book, but most of my dialogue happens between the characters when they're having their meals. So I keep track of things by which meal we just had. It's kind of interesting but I hope not too boring.

So that's what I'm up to today. More editing, and group therapy. I don't know about group today. I mean, I didn't do the homework or even think about it. But the gals in the group are all nice so at least I'll get some socializing in today. My therapist and I are working from this book on mindfulness and anxiety. Apparently most of my depression stems from my anxiety. Who knew? But since we've started I have noticed so much more when I'm anxious and how it effects me. Hmm.

Anyway, everyone have a great day, week, month -- however long it'll be before you come back to read my next post!


Monday, September 23, 2013

Fall is here, NANOWRIMO is coming soon!

Wow, I can't believe the chilly mornings and the breathable afternoons! And I'm in North Carolina where it's usually really hot around this time of year. Just doesn't feel right, but it feels good! ;-)

NANOWRIMO is starting to worry me. I've got a little over a month to come up with a new story. Should it be more in the world I've already created, or a new world? Maybe I should write it from the "bad guy" perspective this time. I dunno. I'd also considered writing erotica or maybe just an x-rated version of a story in my world I've created. Not sure how that would go over, but it would be easier than coming up with a totally different storyline and adding the x-rated stuff in. I don't know.

I'm working away on Eyes That Bind so that I'll be ready to go when Nov 1 comes, but it's so hard to edit and rewrite. I'm about half way through, and I'm already confused about what's already happened and what's to come. I guess that's why people use outlines. LOL. I'm more of a pantser myself. That's why my chapters now range from around 3,500 words per chapter to 7,800 wpc. I gotta go through and fix where the chapter breaks are, and that's going to be a pain. But such is life. At least I'm busy, right?

Check out my writer's page if you haven't already:

Take care, my friends.

Friday, September 20, 2013

You Thought You Knew Me But Then You Didn't

Ever just want to step out in front of a speeding train or jump off a tall building?

I finished writing and am one edit into my second book, Eyes That Bind. It's killing me that I've got this complete book, but I have to read it over and over again. It hurts! My inner critic hops out and spreads its wings making shade where there should be sunshine. What's the deal here? I know, the obvious answer is to hire someone to edit the book for me. That would be too easy, and expensive. My partner would never have it. She doesn't believe in my writing I think. She doesn't want me to hire someone to do the cover art either, but I just have to do that, because people do judge books by their covers! Even e-books.

So what do I do? Go out and buy a dozen donuts? Or visit the DQ? No, I think I'd prefer the speeding train right now.

Editing, Rewriting, Deleting

I'm editing again, as happens on a regular basis. You edit, you rewrite, you move scenes, change scenes, completely remove scenes, and then you have to edit again. At some point you have to stop and say enough is enough. Unfortunately, I'm not to that point yet.

Nope, I just came across a whole scene that doesn't need to be in the book. So what do they say to do? Cut it. It's your hard work, but cut it anyway. If it doesn't go with the story, take it out. Ugh! Then I have to take out all the references to that scene and make sure no one in that scene mentions it anywhere else. Ugh I say!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013


Well, survived putting Abby down. It was a horrible thing and I hate that it had to be done, but we really had no choice. George is getting used to being an only dog, but I still get out two dog biscuits when I go to treat her. It was horribly sad,  but we survived it.

On a happier note, I finished Eyes That Bind this morning! It's going to be going through edits and rewrites for the next month, and hopefully will be "on the shelves" by the end of October. Yippee! The story came to me slowly, but this is a longer book than I've written before -- it's going to be about 350 pages (paperback). At least that's what Scrivener tells me. Scrivener is my writing program and it rocks. It totally helps you keep track of what you're doing. Hmm. Not feeling very verbal just now. Words aren't coming to me now, so I'll leave you to re-reading In Your Eyes (link to the side on how to purchase) and I'll check in tomorrow when my eyes are falling out during the first edit.


Monday, September 16, 2013

Choosing Death

Hey y'all. Today, in about 45 minutes, we're going to be taking our dog Abby to the vet to have her "put down."  She isn't old or infirm or have any diseases that we know about. She's attacked our other dog, George, twice in the past several months and done real damage to her. She'll also attack the cats if she's not on a leash in the "cat part" of the house. (We have a dog zone in one room that stays closed. They come into the "cat part" of the house at night before bed. Abby sleeps in a crate.)

Anyway, Abby is fierce when she wants to be, and that isn't something that we can anticipate. We don't know when she's going to go nuts and attack George. She's done it around food, and over other things we can't identify. So it's getting scary having Abby in the house with other animals; we've talked to our vet, we've talked to an expert trainer, and both say there's nothing they can do besides let her go.

She's never been my favorite dog, and I yell at her a lot, but I don't want to have to let her go. Guilt: was there something I could have done differently? If we walked her more or spent more time socializing her would things be different?

So here I am crying at the computer writing about this while I wait for the clock to strike 5pm. My partner is down the hall petting Abby, and she said she's going to stay down there until it's time to go. I've spent time with her quite a bit today already and didn't want to go with her. I'm tired of crying. Will this end, will these feelings subside, once she's gone? I feel so guilty and low for doing such a selfish thing, but we have to protect the other pets. She could kill one of them if we weren't there to break up the fight, and boy have we broken up fights -- that led to very high vet bills.

So now there's about 30 minutes before we have to leave. I don't have a job so I've been waiting all day, waiting for the inevitable. My partner had work to keep her mind busy, but now she's down there letting it out. I can't believe we're going to kill a sweet dog like Abby, but we have to because she goes a little crazy now and then. No one else will want to take her in. What if she starts attacking people? She's afraid of other dogs usually (just not George). The no-kill shelters are all full. So we have no choice, right? Even our wonderful kind vet thinks it's time to do this. So it's the right thing to do, right?

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Whatcha Gonna Do?

I have serious depression and have since I was a young kid. Of course it's treated now with meds and all kinds of stuff (DBT--Dialectic Behavior Therapy and the like). I'm in a depression now that set in at least a year ago. I've never felt this bad for this long. I don't know what to do about it. I know I need to exercise to get the endorphins flowing but I get out of breath just putting on my jogging shoes. I know, pitiful isn't it?

I've mentioned before that I self-harm. This term includes cutting, burning, or otherwise physically harming your own body. I cut, though I haven't in months-- maybe 4 months... anyway, I have this great therapist who made me promise to call her if I'm ever going to cut. And it works. I don't want to call her, so I haven't cut. But boy is it hard not to.

I woke up this morning and started crying -- just because I don't want to live this life anymore. Those of you who've never been clinically depressed would say something like "Then change. Do something!" but that doesn't work. It almost makes me fight it more. I don't know now if that made sense. Oh, well.

I haven't smoked in 286 days. That's a new record. My lil sis smokes (outside only, of course) and at first I was a little jealous that she "got to smoke" and I wasn't allowed. But then she comes into the house after smoking and she just reeks! My gods smokers smell bad. I don't want that for sure!

I'm still in my writer's slump, which I hope doesn't effect my deadline for book 2. It's going to be so good, I can't wait for folks to read it. I just gotta get it out there! Speaking of marketing, Duolit has a great downloadable PDF file that is a weekend workshop on how to market your writing. You should check it out if you hate marketing your own work as much as I do!


Saturday, September 14, 2013

Serious Writers Block

Oh, boy. I am in a very bad space right now. I have a 250 page story written and it just needs an ending. And do I know how it ends? NO! I never dreamed past the adventures they'd have, and I've written about those already. So how did I get out of my slump last time? I'll have to go back through my blog and see what I wrote last time this happened.

Today I made cranberry scones, but I forgot to put the cranberries in, so they're plain scones. Still yummy, but no cranberries. Too bad.

Yes, this is how serious my writers block is. I'm finished now. The end.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Signs of Life

Things are looking up! I found another twist in my story to work on, so I've been writing away. Not so sure about my Oct 31 deadline I've set for myself but we'll see! In the mean time I'll be typing my fingers away and editing until my eyes water. Such is the life of a writer. Ha ha ha.

I'll consider myself a "real writer" when I've got my second book published and on Amazon. I don't know why, but that's how it is. I'm far from being "accomplished" but who cares what other people think, right? I'm writing for myself and not anyone else. Let's try to think that anyway.

I did the dumbest thing, though. I took a couple of my first books to a locally owned and operated bookstore and asked if they'd carry my book. Sure, they said, because I'm a local author. They didn't even look at my letter of introduction to tell them about myself and my book. So they're selling it on consignment. The kicker? My letter of introduction didn't have anything in it about how to contact me. Damn! That's brilliance for you. Now I have to get business cards printed just for this! And I have to go face that woman who was so...unfriendly. Ugh!

When Is A Story Dead?

I'm trying to tie up loose ends and bring Eyes That Bind to a wonderful finish. The problem is, I don't have an ending! I'm a "pantser" i.e. I fly by the seat of my pants instead of outlining my story before I begin writing. I've tried outlining before but I ended up just writing without looking at it anyway. So what?

My story is a little complicated. It consists of military compounds, witches, and Yeti. Yes, I meant it. Yeti. But how to make the Yeti stop attacking and go home? It's a sadness I've been considering for days. I could just make it stop snowing and have them leave of their own accord because they're out of their element, but that's really lame. Crossbows to the face will kill them, but maybe the witches can get involved and do something to make them go away? Heavy sigh.

Any ideas folks? If you add a comment that has an answer to this terrible situation I'm in, I'll send you a free e-copy of the book when it's published and I'll mention your name in the Acknowledgments.

Thank you!

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

writing about lesbians - what's your audience?

I've heard many times that when you write you have to know your target audience. I don't really have a target audience. I write stories that are generally lesbian romances, so is my target audience lesbians? I've had quite a few people tell me that they really enjoyed my first published book and they weren't lesbians. Even my parents read and enjoyed it -- scary!

To tell the truth, I write for myself. If someone else decides that my books are worth reading - hooray! But that's really it. I don't write for lesbians and I don't write for straight people. I just write. I hope you're one of the folks who's enjoyed my book, lesbian or not. Feel free to leave me a comment below.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

It's Been A Long Day

Well, it was so long I didn't get around to writing this until the day after. Now I'm sleepy but I've had enough sleep. I will probably be logging into the QuitNet chat room -- it's a great way to keep quit when you've stopped smoking. I hope that everyone reading this is either a non-smoker or an ex-smoker because it is such a terrible addiction! I could list reason after reason that you should quit smoking, but I will refrain. Let me just say that I have been an ex-smoker for 278 days. Woohoo! It really is a great accomplishment and I couldn't have done it without my friends in the chat room.

Okay, down to business. Yesterday was a day from hell. Had nothing to do with quitting smoking, I'm done with that topic (ha ha ha). Yesterday I was working on my book 2 (it has a title but "book 2" is just easier to say). Anyway, I was working on book 2 from two different documents and I made a major boo boo -- I got confused about which document I was working on and had to go back to the beginning of both and re-read/edit them to get it straight. I would have been working from a printed copy and a e-copy but our printer doesn't work well enough to print all of those pages. You know how it is, I'd probably have to change the printer cartridge twice just to get through it all. So, I started from the beginning, as I said, and actually got through to chapter 15 (of 19) so that feels pretty good.

I still don't have an ending for my book, but it's coming along. I can't wait, because I've got another story already written (ending and all!) that I want to get rolling on, too. It doesn't have a title yet, but it is in the same world as the other two books. It is from a different angle though, just to keep things interesting!

Okay, I've rambled today and I apologize. Maybe I'll write more tonight. It's 7:25 am EST so my eyes are only half open. Hope you have the loveliest of days!


Thursday, September 5, 2013

A Story That Should Be Told?

I've been editing away, and remembered that someone somewhere (or maybe quite a few someones) said that you should write as long as it's a story that needs to be told. I don't know if my stories do need to be told. I mean, I love to write, and that's about it. I've created a world that I love, and characters that I love, so they are stories I need to tell I suppose.
So I've finished editing Part 1 and I'm working on Part 2. The hard thing is the ending. How do I bring it in to a close with a bang, not a whimper? Going through lots of scenarios in my head, hoping that something will come to me that really makes the book worth reading. I mean, it's already worth reading, but I want the ending to make you want to read more and at the same time bring some closure.

Okay, that's all I've got for today. Tomorrow is FRIDAY so hopefully I'll have good news for you and some details about the new book covers!



Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Wow, this is cool!

I just got through with editing my first 12 chapters -- they are part 1 of my book. I decided to take a story I wrote a while ago and write it into part 2 my book. And guess what?! I'd forgotten what I'd written. I'm being taken on a journey that I wrote myself because I don't really remember much of what I'd written. It's quite amazing really that I wrote this part of a story and it's just clicking! Woot! Woot! Yep, I'm tooting my own horn (or no one else will).

I'm also working with a woman I met on (a quitting smoking site) about marketing and getting word out there about my books. It's really great to find someone interested in becoming involved with me on my journey. I really appreciate all of your suggestions and thougts, LeeLee!

Okay, back to the book. Just wanted to say "hey" to all my readers.  More later.


Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Just keep editing; just keep editing; just keep edit-edit-edit

Rough day today. Went to DBT Group (Dialectic Behavior Therapy) today and had some realizations that I hadn't really put into cohesive thought before.

First and most important, I'd say, is that I do self-harm because I didn't get validation for my feelings as a kid, so I started hurting myself so that I would have something to show for my pain. Interesting. I was neglected as a kid, and this combined with genetics caused me to be depressed from a very young age. I remember wanting to get away from people and just be alone as far back as kindergarten. And that's about how old I was when I remember starting to feel guilty and I have definite memories of feeling ashamed then, too. I thought for a long time that I had missed out on some mass punishment that everyone in my school got but me. So there was that hanging over my head for a long time -- obviously since I remember it so clearly.

Anyway, enough about my sad childhood. I'm through Chapter 10 in my editing process, WOO HOO! I can't wait to get together with my graphic artist and start working on book covers! It's going to be so wonderful to have a really great book cover. It's so important, and yet when I produced my first book I went about it pretty non-chalantly. Sorry I don't know how to spell that. I made up my own cover first time around with a photo that I took myself. I hope that the next printing of my first book is much more relevant and catchy.

Okay, back to the editing. I hope this post was worth reading. Especially for everyone out there that does self-harm. You're not alone. You can email me to chat about it if you like. And of course I welcome any comments you might have.

Thanks for reading!

Monday, September 2, 2013

I'm Sick of Editing!!

Okay, I'm in the middle of Chapter 9 of Eyes That Bind and I'm so sick of it! I just can't do it anymore, so I'm taking a break to write here. ...Okay, now it's an hour later because I went and took a nap instead of any writing at all. I'm a bit refreshed, so let's see what I have to say today.

I'm getting a professional to do my book covers for the three (possibly four) books in the Eyes of the Witch series. So that means that my current paperback will have a new cover in a few months, if I can keep focused and work with the artist. I'm excited to see what he comes up with! I'll be sure to share proofs with ya'll and let you give your opinions on the artwork.

A really hard thing right now is that I can't work out, hence I continue to be bigger than I'd like to be. There, wasn't that a nice way of saying that I FEEL FAT. But I've got these sore toes, they hurt when I walk and when I'm still. It's been two months like this so I've been very sedentary. I guess tomorrow I'm going to see a doctor. I feel silly going to the doctor and saying that my toes hurt, but they do! Maybe they'll just tape them together, or maybe they'll give me a toe splint? I don't know! It's weird!

Enough exclamation points. I'm going to the Home Depot now to shop for leveling cement. I know, that's weird too. But our hallway has these dips in them and we are going to fix it up and put in laminate flooring instead of ugly old carpet. That'll make the house so much nicer. And we ordered new furniture for the living room--a whole sectional sofa--so that's very exciting too (to me anyway).

More updates soon.


Sunday, September 1, 2013

It Really Is Good!

I spent hours yesterday editing Eyes That Bind, the second book in my Eyes of the Witch series. Will spend more time today. What's funny is that I've been worried that people won't like this, that it won't be read by many people. But that really doesn't matter because I'm reading it as I edit, and I like it. There are lots of places where I had to slow myself down because I was reading too fast to catch any errors. So it's good! I'm diggin it, and I hope you will too. It'll be available in October (that's the plan anyway) so check it out on my author page in Amazon:

I'm also working on finding someone to do my cover art for the whole series. In Your Eyes is going to get a makeover, so those of you who buy it before the new covers come out will have a collectors edition (LOL).

Sorry but this is so much fun! Writing and editing is work, but it's fun work. And I'm working hard these days to get back in the groove of things. To those of you in the writing profession, I tip my hat.

Namaste, everybody!


Saturday, August 31, 2013

Waking up

All right. I promise to try to stop repeating what I'm saying in my posts. I went back and read through them, and yep, I know what things are most on my mind.

I'm working on my "final" edit of Eyes That Bind, book two in my Eyes Of The Witch series. I'm having a bit of a hard time getting going. I did chapter 1 in one sitting, but the rest is stuck. Mainly because I'm trying to convert my file from a .rtf Word document to a Scrivener document, but it's so complicated and confusing that I don't know how to do it. I could move it into StoryMill, but I'll probably have the same problems there.  If anyone reading this knows how to use Scrivener or StoryMill, please leave me a comment so I can get in touch with you.

If you haven't read Eyes of the Witch, it's still available in several places -- both in paperback and e-book format. There are links right there to the right of this post.==>

Back to the grind for now. Thanks for reading! I'll post again soon!


Friday, August 30, 2013

Getting Motivated

Writing is about the hardest thing I could do right now. It's so hard to concentrate -- I know, ask your doc for pills. But no, really, I have enough pills. I'm managing to get through about one chapter a day in my final editing process of this my second novel written during NANOWRIMO.

Don't know NANOWRIMO? It's November 1-30, National Novel Writers Month. There's a website where you can join in with thousands of other writers to challenge yourself to write at least 50,000 words in that one month. I've done it three times and I love it. You have to write every day or you'll fall behind, and I'm up for that kind of a challenge. Last year I challenged myself to write twice as many words each day than are required to finish on time, and I was at least a week early in completing my 50K words. I can't wait for this year. I'm considering erotica, but I don't know if that would work for me. I've created this world in IN YOUR EYES and I don't know if I'm ready to let that go yet. So far there are 4 books in that series, but only the first one (mentioned above) is published. Hope to publish book two, EYES THAT BIND, in the next few months so I can put my full attention on NANOWRIMO once again.  Check it out if you write at all:

Okay, back to editing. I'm trying so hard!

And for those of you who are in the process of quitting smoking -- you can do it! It hasn't effected my writing at all! So do it if you're still chained to those cigs. You'll be so glad you do. And there's a great community at that can be a huge support to you in your battle to beat the nicodemon. I'm on day 270 free of cigarettes, and I'm psyched! I really can do this, and you can too!

Take care, all. Love and Hugs!


Wednesday, August 28, 2013


Okay, now I'm having anxiety about starting to work on that second book in the series -- you know, give it one last go through before publication. I just can't make myself do it. Too many decisions to make. Too much pressure! Almost wrote LOL after that last sentence. I know I'm doing it to myself.

Deep breaths. Diet Coke. <headache> Ugh, I can't do it! I'm trying - see, I'm trying though!

My editing friend only found a few flaws in the story so I need to fix those. EEK! How will I ever do this?

The house is empty and quiet except for the dogs barking at passers-by now and then. I've got ice to chew on. Okay, I'm either going to go open up that file, or I'm going to the chat rooms for quit smokers...guess which one is going to happen first! Heavy sigh.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

I get it all second hand

How do I write about my family and not hurt them as I do it? I'm in Older Sister Hell and things aren't looking very bright. Alcoholism is an issue. Sleeping hours is an issue (i.e., stay up until dawn and then sleep all day). But I can't talk about it because it's a family thing, and we don't even talk to each other about things. My partner just got home from work and had a somewhat lengthy talk with my younger sister, and all I'd gotten out of her all day long was an occasional "okay." But who the hell knows if my family reads my blog. Probably not.

Aaaaaaanyway, I'm thinking about NANOWRIMO since it's creeping up on us fast, and wondering if I should try my hand at erotica. Lesbian erotica. I think I could handle the erotica part, it is the short story part that I'm not sure about. Can I make up some junk story to wrap around the luscious bits? I don't know.

I do know that my second book has been edited and I just need to get together with the editor to talk things through and then do more rewrites. And more rewrites. And more rewrites. I can't wait.

Okay, so now I have an author page on Amazon:
That's nice. Clean and simple and easy to remember. As long as you can spell my last name.

For those following me, I've pretty much lost all wishes to have a cigarette (finally!) and seem to be doing well as a non-smoker. Go me!

Monday, August 26, 2013

Really! Quit this time.

So I'm on day 266 of my quit. No more smoking for me-- yes!!  I got up this morning with every intention of working out but ended up getting Hardee's cinnamon biscuits. Oh well. Maybe later. 

P!NK of the day;  I still feel the same way I did when I was 17. I still look over my shoulder waiting for the world to change. But these are the good old days!...I look back and see all those times I was lonely. Waiting for someday to hurry up and come and save me. ...

Hope I got all that right. And now, back to the first step in writing my next novel--the dreaded outline. 

Love you all!

Sunday, August 25, 2013

True Love - P!NK

P!NK is fabulous, let me begin with her. WOW. She's amazing and a new mother at the same time. I don't think her tour is coming any closer than 400 miles from here so I doubt once again that I'll get to see her live, damn.

I should be writing my first draft for my next novel, but instead I'm blogging because I think that all of P!NK's lyrics should be published for the world to see (not just her fans). Heavy sigh. I'm playing her music in our office, which is right next to the room my younger sister has made her bedroom. She moved in because she left her husband. Things have been rough, and now I'm feeling guilty for playing music in my own house. Except that it is almost 2 in the afternoon. It isn't sleeping time, it's awake time, at least for most adults who don't work the night shift. (She's not found a job yet but lots of leads, so wish her luck!) So I'm not going to feel guilty.

Okay, today's lyrics:  Well, damn, they're in the CD case but they're so tiny I can't read them - need reading glasses, I hate to admit it, but I'm getting to "that age."

I'll post the lyrics on Twitter instead anyway. Then I'll get to writing that new novel.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

I'm Back!!

It's been a long time, my friends! I've been fighting the blues for months and may finally be on my way back!

So what's been up? I've got an editor working on EYES THAT BIND right now -- the second book in my series Eyes of The Witch. If you're reading this post, you've probably read In Your Eyes, but if not:  Sorry for the long link but life's just like that, isn't it? Anyway, YES, I have been writing and have two more stories on the way. Another book in the series, and another book to start a new series, but taking place in the same realm that Cass and Renna live in.

Other than that, my partner is tearing up our hallway (literally, with a jackhammer) to improve our home. I can't wait until all is finished and the dust settles so I can stop breathing it and start mopping it up.

Sadly, it has been a rather mild summer with lots of rain, so the pool has gone unused most of the time. Well, we do have kids that come over to swim but remember, when you were a kid, you'd tell your mom that your lips weren't blue because the water was too cold. The water is just fine. Jump on in!

Back to the grind. I promise to write more frequently and get that next book published in paperback and electronically as soon as I can.  Hopefully sometime in October 2013, so that I'll be ready to focus on NANOWRIMO once again. Really, I can't wait to start writing with thousands of other writers all aiming for the same thing - a book they are happy with.

See you soon!

OH! And I quit smoking! Going on 9 months! Woot Woot!!