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Monday, November 11, 2013

What it feels like to be fat

I have gained a lot of weight (a lot!) in the past year because of meds I was on and quitting my exercise program because of anxiety. So I'm suddenly in the "fat" category, at least in my own thinking, and it makes things very difficult. Things like looking in the mirror are dreadful; putting on shoes and socks takes a great effort (who woulda thought it?) and my balance is way off. I can't do things on one foot anymore. Maybe that's the lost muscle, not sure. Trying on clothes in a store is horrendous. Ugh!

Regardless, it's hard being fat, and it makes me even more depressed and lonely. I think that people are constantly judging me (when they probably don't even notice me) and that I'm the worst person in the world. Now I'm not obese, just chubby, but that doesn't help. I need help.

My partner went and got our eliptical out of our storage shed and put it in the living room last weekend -- haven't touched it. Just five minutes at a time is all I need to do to start out, and I can't even do that. Just thinking about it leads to tears. Oh, hell.

And I'm not doing NaNoWriMo and it's killing me. I miss the support and camaraderie I would have had if I'd stuck with it. But instead I feel like a loser. Geeze, what a miserable post. But I did think that "normal" sized people should read about being fat. Be nice to fat people.

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