Fall is here, NANOWRIMO is coming soon!

Wow, I can't believe the chilly mornings and the breathable afternoons! And I'm in North Carolina where it's usually really hot around this time of year. Just doesn't feel right, but it feels good! ;-)

NANOWRIMO is starting to worry me. I've got a little over a month to come up with a new story. Should it be more in the world I've already created, or a new world? Maybe I should write it from the "bad guy" perspective this time. I dunno. I'd also considered writing erotica or maybe just an x-rated version of a story in my world I've created. Not sure how that would go over, but it would be easier than coming up with a totally different storyline and adding the x-rated stuff in. I don't know.

I'm working away on Eyes That Bind so that I'll be ready to go when Nov 1 comes, but it's so hard to edit and rewrite. I'm about half way through, and I'm already confused about what's already happened and what's to come. I guess that's why people use outlines. LOL. I'm more of a pantser myself. That's why my chapters now range from around 3,500 words per chapter to 7,800 wpc. I gotta go through and fix where the chapter breaks are, and that's going to be a pain. But such is life. At least I'm busy, right?

Check out my writer's page if you haven't already: www.amazon.com/author/angelascannell

Take care, my friends.
XOXO
Angela

You Thought You Knew Me But Then You Didn't

Ever just want to step out in front of a speeding train or jump off a tall building?

I finished writing and am one edit into my second book, Eyes That Bind. It's killing me that I've got this complete book, but I have to read it over and over again. It hurts! My inner critic hops out and spreads its wings making shade where there should be sunshine. What's the deal here? I know, the obvious answer is to hire someone to edit the book for me. That would be too easy, and expensive. My partner would never have it. She doesn't believe in my writing I think. She doesn't want me to hire someone to do the cover art either, but I just have to do that, because people do judge books by their covers! Even e-books.

So what do I do? Go out and buy a dozen donuts? Or visit the DQ? No, I think I'd prefer the speeding train right now.

Editing, Rewriting, Deleting

I'm editing again, as happens on a regular basis. You edit, you rewrite, you move scenes, change scenes, completely remove scenes, and then you have to edit again. At some point you have to stop and say enough is enough. Unfortunately, I'm not to that point yet.

Nope, I just came across a whole scene that doesn't need to be in the book. So what do they say to do? Cut it. It's your hard work, but cut it anyway. If it doesn't go with the story, take it out. Ugh! Then I have to take out all the references to that scene and make sure no one in that scene mentions it anywhere else. Ugh I say!

Survival

Well, survived putting Abby down. It was a horrible thing and I hate that it had to be done, but we really had no choice. George is getting used to being an only dog, but I still get out two dog biscuits when I go to treat her. It was horribly sad,  but we survived it.

On a happier note, I finished Eyes That Bind this morning! It's going to be going through edits and rewrites for the next month, and hopefully will be "on the shelves" by the end of October. Yippee! The story came to me slowly, but this is a longer book than I've written before -- it's going to be about 350 pages (paperback). At least that's what Scrivener tells me. Scrivener is my writing program and it rocks. It totally helps you keep track of what you're doing. Hmm. Not feeling very verbal just now. Words aren't coming to me now, so I'll leave you to re-reading In Your Eyes (link to the side on how to purchase) and I'll check in tomorrow when my eyes are falling out during the first edit.

XOXO
Angela

Choosing Death

Hey y'all. Today, in about 45 minutes, we're going to be taking our dog Abby to the vet to have her "put down."  She isn't old or infirm or have any diseases that we know about. She's attacked our other dog, George, twice in the past several months and done real damage to her. She'll also attack the cats if she's not on a leash in the "cat part" of the house. (We have a dog zone in one room that stays closed. They come into the "cat part" of the house at night before bed. Abby sleeps in a crate.)

Anyway, Abby is fierce when she wants to be, and that isn't something that we can anticipate. We don't know when she's going to go nuts and attack George. She's done it around food, and over other things we can't identify. So it's getting scary having Abby in the house with other animals; we've talked to our vet, we've talked to an expert trainer, and both say there's nothing they can do besides let her go.

She's never been my favorite dog, and I yell at her a lot, but I don't want to have to let her go. Guilt: was there something I could have done differently? If we walked her more or spent more time socializing her would things be different?

So here I am crying at the computer writing about this while I wait for the clock to strike 5pm. My partner is down the hall petting Abby, and she said she's going to stay down there until it's time to go. I've spent time with her quite a bit today already and didn't want to go with her. I'm tired of crying. Will this end, will these feelings subside, once she's gone? I feel so guilty and low for doing such a selfish thing, but we have to protect the other pets. She could kill one of them if we weren't there to break up the fight, and boy have we broken up fights -- that led to very high vet bills.

So now there's about 30 minutes before we have to leave. I don't have a job so I've been waiting all day, waiting for the inevitable. My partner had work to keep her mind busy, but now she's down there letting it out. I can't believe we're going to kill a sweet dog like Abby, but we have to because she goes a little crazy now and then. No one else will want to take her in. What if she starts attacking people? She's afraid of other dogs usually (just not George). The no-kill shelters are all full. So we have no choice, right? Even our wonderful kind vet thinks it's time to do this. So it's the right thing to do, right?

Whatcha Gonna Do?

I have serious depression and have since I was a young kid. Of course it's treated now with meds and all kinds of stuff (DBT--Dialectic Behavior Therapy and the like). I'm in a depression now that set in at least a year ago. I've never felt this bad for this long. I don't know what to do about it. I know I need to exercise to get the endorphins flowing but I get out of breath just putting on my jogging shoes. I know, pitiful isn't it?

I've mentioned before that I self-harm. This term includes cutting, burning, or otherwise physically harming your own body. I cut, though I haven't in months-- maybe 4 months... anyway, I have this great therapist who made me promise to call her if I'm ever going to cut. And it works. I don't want to call her, so I haven't cut. But boy is it hard not to.

I woke up this morning and started crying -- just because I don't want to live this life anymore. Those of you who've never been clinically depressed would say something like "Then change. Do something!" but that doesn't work. It almost makes me fight it more. I don't know now if that made sense. Oh, well.

I haven't smoked in 286 days. That's a new record. My lil sis smokes (outside only, of course) and at first I was a little jealous that she "got to smoke" and I wasn't allowed. But then she comes into the house after smoking and she just reeks! My gods smokers smell bad. I don't want that for sure!

I'm still in my writer's slump, which I hope doesn't effect my deadline for book 2. It's going to be so good, I can't wait for folks to read it. I just gotta get it out there! Speaking of marketing, Duolit has a great downloadable PDF file that is a weekend workshop on how to market your writing. You should check it out if you hate marketing your own work as much as I do!

Cheers!
XOXOX
Angela

Serious Writers Block

Oh, boy. I am in a very bad space right now. I have a 250 page story written and it just needs an ending. And do I know how it ends? NO! I never dreamed past the adventures they'd have, and I've written about those already. So how did I get out of my slump last time? I'll have to go back through my blog and see what I wrote last time this happened.

Today I made cranberry scones, but I forgot to put the cranberries in, so they're plain scones. Still yummy, but no cranberries. Too bad.

Yes, this is how serious my writers block is. I'm finished now. The end.